
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5227643.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Phan
  Relationship:
      Dan_Howell/Phil_Lester, Dan_Howell_&_Phil_Lester
  Character:
      Dan_Howell, Phil_Lester
  Additional Tags:
      Phan_-_Freeform, DAN_AND_PHIL_-_Freeform, Phil_Lester_-_Freeform, idk
      probably_more_to_come, High_School_AU, gay_ship, fluff_at_times, idek_if
      this_is_any_good, I_Tried, Yes_I_named_this_after_a_song_lyric_sue_me, I
      was_listening_to_music, Dan_Howell_-_Freeform, I_apparently_put_DNA
      howell_the_first_time_oops, why_does_this_have_over_200_reads_it_isn't
      even_that_good, Alex_I_hope_all_my_promos_didnt_go_to_waste, Phan_Smut,
      Smut, sorry_-_Freeform, shitsmut, gaysmut, maleonmale, Underage_-
      Freeform, underagesmut, We_have_over_300_reads_it_isnt_even_that_good
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-11-17 Updated: 2015-12-27 Chapters: 6/? Words: 8057
****** Take Me To Nirvana ******
by orphan_account
Summary
     Dan Howell and Phil Lester are best friends who are in their last
     year of school. They know each other inside and out, but they are
     keeping a secret from each other. They both like guys, but keep quiet
     out of fear of rejection from the other one. They think if the word
     comes out, it could be the end of their friendship and when you have
     only one friend, how well would that turn out?
Notes
     Update 12/17/15: Chapter 5 is up, has some terrible smut in it.
     Thanks for over 300 reads! :)
***** Another normal day in the life of me (Dan's POV) *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Dan’s POV
My car door slams behind me, a result of too much force and some wind. I throw
my bag on to my shoulder and walk towards the school, hoping that Phil is there
already, waiting as always. I walked in the direction of the school, keeping my
head low, as if that is going to help me from being noticed by the preps and
other peasants. I glance up for a second, just to see if I can see even a
glimpse of his raven black hair or one of his strange, but yet compelling at
the same time, shirts that he generally wears. He likes them and they have just
became a part of him and his look. He says the stranger, the better. I barely
see him, same place as always. A smile forms upon his fair-toned face as he
sees me walking towards him. I can’t help but to have a small grin on my face
at how happy he looks over something as simple as me. He wears just a shirt
with the sky on it, nothing more than blue and clouds, accompanied by some
jeans and his sneakers. This isn’t the first time I have seen this exact
outfit, and definitely won’t be the last.
“Dan!” he slightly shouts at me, his grin still there, but slowly fading as any
smile ever would.
“Hi”, I respond, less cheerfully. He has always been the more cheerful one of
us, ever since we met in Year 7, me being one of those “weird” kids that
couldn’t make friends, and then he decided that he was going to be my friend,
and we became friends with each other, mainly because Phil wouldn’t give up,
and I actually liked him quite a bit once I got to know him. This year was our
final year in the public school system. Year 13, meaning we only had another
year of this hell hole, unless we decided to go onto university. I hear a
couple snickers from the same popular boys that did it every year since we
entered year 10, and a small “fag” escape from one of their lips, and a couple
of weaker taunts from the rest of the group as they walked away, but I ignore
them and just roll my eyes, not wanting to start drama and definitely not
wanting to drag Phil into it. I’m not saying that he can’t defend himself, just
he looks weaker than me when it comes to outward appearance, plus I think his
personality is a bit too adorable to be involved in a fistfight with those
peasants. I lead me and Phil towards the doors of the school, allowing us
enough time to get settled before class.
“So, are we stopping at lockers?” he asks me, as we finally enter the actual
building.
I roll my eyes, “Phil, what do we do every day?” I ask, my tone mocking.
“Go to lockers…” he says, his voice like he had been scolded. He was only
joking though, of course. He wasn’t actually upset by what I had said. He had
gotten used to my dry and sarcastic sense of humor years ago. I begin walking
to the lockers, figuring he got the point by now. I make it a habit to rarely
stop at my locker, and seeing as it is only the beginning of the week, I don’t
feel the need to right now. I turn down the hall where his locker is and stop
by it while he turns the lock dial so he can get into his locker. I watch the
way Phil’s hands move as he does his combination. I can see them just slightly
shake, possibly from the fact that he is concentrating or maybe from the fact
that it is a new week with new surprises in store. When I see him yank the lock
unlocked and a small smirk come across his face, I move back a bit so he can
open his locker. Since we are already into the second month of the school year,
his locker had a small stuffed lion, a picture of his family’s vacation to some
place that I forgot the name of that they went on last year, and a small
whiteboard, all of which he claimed were, “important items that must be there”.
As far as forgetting the place they went to on vacation, it isn’t like I don’t
pay attention and that is why I forgot, it was just more of the fact that I
think I was bit more concerned about school about ready to start again and it
caused my mind not to fully be there. He grabs all of his books and shuts the
locker door. This is the part of the day where we split up for a bit. I go to
language arts while he goes to biology. It kind of sucks only getting to see
him in two classes, maths and history, but I mean, it is kind of nice to have
free time too.
“Bye”, he (…) to me. I slightly grin, signaling my goodbye, and he goes one way
while I go another. It isn’t like I long to see him or anything like that, just
he is my only friend so classes that are boring as hell seem to go on forever
because there isn’t anyone to distract me from what is going on in these boring
classes
When I reach the classroom, I just do what I always do. I walk in while
everyone is talking with their friends or playing games, waiting for the
teacher to arrive, and I take my spot in the back of the class in the right
corner and pull out my phone and put on some headphones, listening to music
while I wait. If you were just judging on my music taste, I would be one of
those emo kids, but I’m not. Sure I do lack color most of the time and have a
fringe, but I wouldn’t call myself emo.
When the teacher arrives, I just turn off my music and try to focus on what she
is saying. She is talking about some book that we are supposed to be reading,
but of course, procrastination got in the way, so I’m behind, but I’ll catch
up, the essay isn’t due for another two weeks. I wonder how Phil is doing in
biology right now. Some people might say that my thoughts revolve around him
too much, but there is only a few things in my life, family, school, my stupid
retail job, drama club, and him. It leaves my options pretty limited. I
secretly check my phone just in case today is the day he finally decided to
break the no phone rule and text me. No new messages. Typical, I think to
myself.
“Daniel, are you paying attention?” my teacher asks. Shit. What did she say?
“What was the question again?” I ask nervously. I have this huge fear of
audience participation. This is one of the most terrifying scenarios for me. I
hear some of the kids snicker and the teacher just rolls her eyes and goes back
to teaching. I feel the heat start to rise to my cheeks.
The bell rings and we all leave the class. I start on my way to this chemistry
class I am taking when I hear one of the popular guys say something to me.
“If only your fag was there to save the day for you, huh emo freak?” he says. I
try to calm down, not wanting to get in a fight because I probably wouldn’t win
and because it is just more unnecessary drama.
“Leave me alone”, I mumble. His friends laugh and I just keep walking.
“You think that is going to stop me? You must be dumber than we thought,
freak”, he taunts in an attempt to push me over the edge, but I just wasn’t in
the mode for their petty drama right now.
They must have either been too caught up in laughter or have found another
victim because they stop following me. Even though I blow it off, it always
stings a little, no matter how used to it I am. For one, nobody is a faggot.
Even if Phil and I were gay, we still wouldn’t be faggots. Also, I am not emo,
I might agree on the whole freak part, but I’m not emo. I make it to science,
and the process starts again. I sit and I wait, half-paying attention to the
teacher. Some people might find my habits to be bad on my grades, but I get
pretty good grades. I do all my homework on time, and I pay attention the
important things.
Science finally ends and I headed to one of the classes that I share with Phil,
maths. Though it is dreaded because in all honestly I will never use it, but
Phil makes it a bit more pleasant. I take my seat in the back, where Phil is
already there, waiting for me. When he sees me, we lock eyes, and he smiles one
of his cheeky, big grins. I can’t contain a smile of my own from escaping at
the sight of how happy he looks. He has one of the most adorable smiles I have
ever seen. It is big, but it suits him. It also makes his already beautifully
blue eyes even more lit up and amazing, so excuse me for getting happy at the
site of it. I sit down next to him and we turn slightly so we can talk.
His grin starts naturally fading, “So, how was the rest of your classes?” he
asks me.
“Terrible”, I say, rolling my eyes.
“I’m sorry”, he says to me, sounding sort of sad in a sympathetic way. Our
conversation goes on until the end of class, just in notes to avoid being
caught. The class ends and the rest of the day just kind of goes on normally
with nothing too exciting happening, not even in drama, my favorite part of the
day.
“Do you need a lift?” I ask Phil when we exit the school building at the end of
the day, another part of the normal routine that we were in.
“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” He replies to me. He doesn’t have his own car
because his family doesn’t always pay the most attention to him, so he has to
take care of himself a lot and they won’t buy him a car or let him use his
dad’s car, so he has to get his own and he can’t afford one right now. His
family was caring when they were around, but they were busy with his older
brother and their jobs and sometimes that meant sacrificing some of their time
for Phil. I don’t mind giving him a lift, he only lives a couple blocks down
from me and he always offer to pay gas, even though I deny it because he is my
friend and I shouldn’t need something in return for being a decent human. We
both get into the car and go to buckle at the same time. Our faces get close to
each other and we just sit like that for a moment. I wonder what he is thinking
about because I know what I am. I’m thinking about the consequences of kissing
him. That was one of the biggest secrets I keep from him and it is that I like
guys. He would probably would find it weird and be afraid that I would only
like him romantically and stop being my friend, and I can’t risk that. I care
about him too much to sacrifice a friendship over something like that. We
eventually move away, heat rising to both of our cheeks and a small bit of
awkward silence falling between the two of us. I say sorry, and he just says it
is fine and laughs, making the air a bit calmer, but not quite normal and I
pull out of the parking lot and drive him to his house.
“Bye, Dan, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” he says.
“Unless I die from some mysterious illness”, I tell him, “Do you have a ride
for tomorrow?” I ask
“Yeah, my brother said he would give me a ride” he responds, smiling and waving
as he walks off. I sit in the driveway for a minute, making sure he can get in
safely. When he enters, I back out of the driveway and make my way home.
Chapter End Notes
     So, yeah. I get this is kind of a overused prompt, but I wanted to
     try my hand at it. Please remember to comment and give kudos if you
     enjoyed it because it help reassure me that this isn't too bad. For
     Cyan, who would love to read this if we were still together and My
     Love/Plant Child, who always inspires me to do my best.
***** Swing Sets and Sunsets (Phil's POV) *****
Chapter by orphan_account, TroyesJewfro
Chapter Summary
     After thinking over the almost kiss, Phil decides to put it behind
     him, which results in boredom and a trip to that park at sunset.
Chapter Notes
     It's here! I don't care for this chapter as much, but it is a filler
     chapter because I have a plan for the next chapter.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Phil’s POV
I shut Dan’s car door and start walking towards the house. What just happened?
I think to myself. It was just us trying to buckle our seatbelts, nothing more,
nothing less. But, it had a different feeling. It didn’t feel like two guys
trying to buckle, it felt like a scene from a movie where you come close to
kissing someone, but it doesn’t happen, but more awkward than that, seeing as
neither of us openly liked guys. I pretty sure that Dan doesn’t like guys. You
might think so from how he looks at me sometimes, but we are just close
friends. He always stresses how much he likes girls, and it is annoying
sometimes, but I’m happy for him accepting that part of himself. I never say
anything to him, no matter how much it hurts to keep a secret from him, but I
like guys. I just can’t feel a connection with women. Some people say I have my
head in the clouds because I believe in finding true love, but I believe that
I’m going to find that connection, and I’m afraid that I might find it in my
best friend, who just happens to be a guy. It is all so confusing for me.
I get to the door and use the key to open it, knowing that no one is home.
Martyn is working on shopping for his new apartment so he can move out of the
house, something he can’t do while he doesn’t even have a couch or anything. As
far as my mum and dad, they both had jobs that required a lot of their time, so
of course they wouldn’t be home for a while. My mum is pretty nice and caring
when she has time to relax and my dad is lost in his thoughts a lot. I
understand that they are busy though, so I just take care of myself for the
most part. I don’t mind though, they do a good job providing. I take out my
phone to see if I had any messages. My dad sent something just telling me that
they wouldn’t be home until sundown, so don’t wait up and I had something from
Dan. “Do you know the answer to problem 3?” it read. I roll my eyes and let out
a slight chuckle, partly from remembering that I should also be doing my work
and the other part being because I should have expected nothing less from Dan,
being the kind of person that will ask me for help because he knows I will
always be there for him. I take out my work and look over the problem, before
deciding the answer is -3. “-3” I reply. I set my phone down and started
actually working on my work. I found that it went pretty smoothly for homework.
When I finish, I check my phone again, Dan replied with a thanks, and I can
hear him just kind of mumbling it in a typical Dan Howell fashion. The thing
about Dan is that he will generally not actually thank you for helping him in a
traditional way, he will do it in a way such as mumbling as if he is
embarrassed to have asked for help or in a “There? You got your credit for
helping. Are you happy now?” but, as with all of his other quirks and with his
personality, I have gotten used to it.
I walk downstairs to get some food, seeing as no one would be home for a while.
Or so I thought, I think as I hear the sound of a car pull in, probably
Martyn’s because it doesn’t so in near as good as the car that my dad drives.
Great, he probably brought home his “friend” from uni too, so I guess no peace
for me. But, I guess the nice thing is that I can borrow his car if I want to
go anywhere far away. I quickly take down a bowl and put cereal and milk in it
as I hear them walk up the porch. I take my cereal and a spoon and I go
upstairs to my room. I grab my phone and turn on some Muse and listen to it
through my headphones. Muse is my favorite band and Dan and I share a mutual
love for it. It is something that helped bond our friendship together. He would
barely talk to me, because Dan has always been sort of reclusive when he
doesn’t know you, and he just muttered, “Leave me alone so I can listen to
Muse.” I then proceeded to talk about Muse with him, earning a bit more
conversation out of him. I’m glad I didn’t give up on him like others had
because I love having him as a best friend. “Of course. My brother just got
home :(” I text him. I sit there listening to music and eating cereal until I
realized how bored I truly was and that I should go out and do something fun
instead of just sitting alone. Seeing as it was only like 4, I put my bowl and
spoon in the sink downstairs and throw my green hoodie. I slip on some sneakers
and write a small note that says, “Went to park. Will be home soon. –Phil” and
walk out the door to the park that is near my house.
It is kind of chilly for it only being October, but I don’t mind, it’s a nice
day out and I have nothing else to do, so why not go to the park? When I get
there, I hear the laughter of children playing, young and carefree. I decided
to sit on the swings, pushing myself slightly with my feet. It made me thing of
a young me, being pushed by mum, begging to go higher and higher. Back then,
Martyn wasn’t growing up and becoming an adult and they weren’t as busy with
work, so they had a bit more time for me. I never tell them how I feel out of
fear of hurting their feelings because I know they are trying their hardest. It
isn’t too unbearable though, it is nice sometimes to have free time and I have
Dan to keep me from getting lonely. I pull out my phone to see a text from Dan
reading, “Sorry, that sucks.” He knows it doesn’t bug me that much that Martyn
is home, but he is still showing some sympathy over a small thing. “Its fine,
I’m at the park anyway” I say back. I also see a text from my brother telling
me to make sure I’m home before dark, as if I am a child and he is my parent.
Dan just says cool, meaning he is stuck in the conversation, so I just ignore
it and put my phone away. I slightly swing while looking around. The trees look
beautiful this time of year, they are changing into brilliant shades of red and
yellow. The sun is setting, making the sky look purple and pink and orange. I
get off the swing, deciding to go back home so I can eat and possibly watch a
bit of Buffy the Vampire Slayer before I go to sleep. I get up and start
walking home, a place not so far away.
When I get there, I see my parents are back and Martyn has already left with
his friend.
“Oh, Phil, you made it back just in time for dinner”, my mum says as I enter
the door.
“Well that’s good. I’m glad I didn’t miss it”, I tell her sincerely, a smile on
my face.
“Did you talk to anyone?” My mom asked. She knows I’m a nice person, but am not
very good at making friends, so she always hopes that I have made another
friend besides just Dan.
“No”, I respond, causing a bit of disappointment to cross her face, but it
quickly disappears.
“You need to be more social, boy. Look at Martyn, he has plenty of friends”, my
dad tells me, adding to the conversation. He never admits it, but he thinks I’m
a bit of a disappointment with my inability to make friends and he always
compares me to him, but I won’t ever confront him.
“I’m sorry”, I mumble, sitting down at the table to eat. They start talking
about work, so I just eat my food, not really interested in talking about work.
“So Phil, have you thought about what you would like to go to university for?”
my dad asks. Though I’d like to tell him media, I learned last year that it
isn’t a good idea to talk about such an “unstable and unrealistic career” with
him, so I just tell him that I have been looking.
“Well that’s good. We are glad you are considering your future”, he says before
going back to eating and talking.
I get up and put my plate in the dishwasher after I’m done and then go upstairs
to my room. I text Dan telling him that I was just going to lay down because it
is later than I was expecting it to be and to have sweet dreams. I put my phone
on the charger before laying down and falling into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter End Notes
     This chapter wasn't my best work, but I gave it my all. Please
     comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed it. Feedback is appreciated.
     The next chapter will be better.
***** Skipping School for Some Starbucks and Quality Time in the Car (Dan's
POV) *****
Chapter by orphan_account, TroyesJewfro
Chapter Summary
     It had been a week since the encounter and it is time to stop hiding,
     but what happens when you are hiding from a huge secret?
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for so much dialouge
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Dan’s pov
It had been a week. One week since the awkward encounter in the car. One week
of us still being friendly, but restricted. Every accidental touch brought me
back to the memory, and I’m sure it did for him too. I still gave him rides and
we still talked, but there is always and underlying awkwardness. I pull up to
the school, Phil sitting in the passenger seat, still as present but the talk
was awkward at times.
“You can get out, Phil, we are here”, I say, the car idling in the parking lot
as we arrived at school, the rain pouring outside. Typical England weather.
“Aren’t you going to?” he asks me, a confused look on his face.
Shit, I think to myself. In all honesty, I was going to skip. I know I said I
was going to try not to this year, but I just need a break from everyone and
some time to clear my head.
“Dan, you said you would try not to” he says softly, apparently realizing what
the silence meant.
“I tried and made it almost three months, but I just need a break.” I say
blandly.
“Then I’m coming with”, he decides. I can’t help but feel guilty by that. I
don’t want to put Phil in jeopardy over my choice.
“Phil, really it’s fi-” I start to say before being cut off.
“No, where are we going?” he asks. I feel really bad, he needs an education so
he can get into a good university, but I guess it is his choice, right?
“Do you just want some Starbucks?” I ask him, giving up on changing his mind.
He nods his head and I start the car and pull out. We drive over to the
Starbucks a couple blocks down the street. Something feels wrong, I think. I
look over and Phil is just staring out the window, not in his usual happy
daydream, but lost in thought.
“Phil what’s wrong?” I ask him out of concern.
“Nothing” he says, though it is obvious there is. I pull in and we get out of
the car, walking into the Starbucks. I make him order because I would mess it
up, and we just both get a coffee with some caramel in it. I told him to just
order me whatever he got, and that is what we were going to have.I look around,
the place isn’t too busy, so when they hand us our drink, we decide to sit by
the window at a small two person table.
“Dan, can I talk to you about something?” he says quietly as we sit down.
“Of course” I ask, trying to go over the possibilities
“So do you remember last week, when we were in the car…” he says, his voice
trailing off. My heart begins to race. I start panicking. Shit, I thought maybe
he forgot. I didn’t want to do this here, because I wasn’t trying too get
overly emotional in public. I can feel it in my throat that anything I say is
going to come out on the edge because of my panicking.
“Can we go somewhere a bit more private, like the car?” I ask, trying to keep
my voice steady. I decided that was the most private place we could go at the
moment, even if it was the scene where this mess all started. I start to get
up, not waiting for a response from him. I grab the coffee and start to walk,
listening to his foot step behind me, trying to keep up. We both exit the
building and run across the parking lot because it is raining, and we both sit
in the car, Phil on the passenger side, me in the driver’s seat.
“Well, when it happened, this weird thing happened. Well, for me at least, and
I hope you felt it to, otherwise this would be awkward. I felt a connection,
but a different kind. It was like a movie and we were the two main characters.
Dan, I like guys and I think I might be falling in love with you.” He says,
making me almost spit out my coffee. This boy, my best friend, the one I’m
starting to fall for, likes guys, and the guy he has chosen to love is me “What
about you?”
“No”, I say before I can think. Shit, Dan, why did you lie? Why can’t you just
be honest? I see his face drop and he nods understandingly before turning his
head so he can look out the window.
“Wait, Phil. Look at me. I lied, I gave you the same line I give everyone, I’m
sorry, I am so sorry. I do, actually I’m gay, I just didn’t know how to tell
you and I really do like you and I just… really wish you loved me too” I say,
the last part barely audible. The rain fills the
“I do, bear, forever and always. If you liked me, you could have just said so”
he says, a smile on his face. Not a slight smile or anything, but a big genuine
smile, the one I love seeing plastered on the boy’s face. Then, I kiss him. I
couldn’t help myself, he just looked so beautiful, the rain pouring in the
background, the risk of being caught out of school, the risk of being together,
but it all faded away when I looked at the beautiful boy with an even more
amazing smile, and I just couldn’t help it. I feel him tense up at first, but
then realize what was happening, and falling into the kiss, our lips moving in
sync with each other. I know it is cliché but it felt like everything was
perfect. That it was just two guys kissing and nothing was around but us. It
didn’t feel like two teenagers making out in the car, one of them pinned to a
window. I run my tongue across his bottom lip, asking for permission. He grants
permission and we fight for dominance, and he decides to take over, me letting
him, liking the dominance he was displaying and we fall back into our sync
before pulling apart for air.
“I love you, Dan” he says to me, our foreheads together as we try to catch our
breath.
“I love you too” I say, before we quickly kiss again and I turn on the car so
we can hopefully make it back in time for second period. Phil goes back to his
happy normalness as we drive back to the school in hopes we don’t get caught
coming back in.
“Wait, Dan? Are we dating now?” he asks me. Shit, there is always that issue, I
remember.
“How do you feel about it? We don’t have to date just because we kissed if you
don’t want to, Phil.” I tell him. Though I would love to date him, I don’t want
to force him
“I want to, definitely, but I want to be sure you are comfortable with it” he
replies
“Yeah, I am. I guess we are dating” I say. He’s mine, this boy who I met years
ago, the one who didn’t give up on me no matter how hard I tried to get him to
leave, the one who has always been by my side, the boy named Phil Lester who I
now got to call mine. We pull into the school, both of us going around back to
sneak in. We blend in with the rest of the students as we walk through the door
in the hall. He grabs my hand, and walks me to my class. When we get there, he
lets go of it and whispers “I love you” into my ear, before walking off. He is
all I can really think about for the next two weeks, before reality finally
hits. The honeymoon phase wears away and I realize that we are in a secret
relationship, neither of us out to anyone but each other, and if were not
careful, we would get caught. As I dropped him off that night, I told him about
my fears of us getting caught.
“Dan, please don’t worry. I love you and nothing will ever change that. I will
love you regardless if we are a secret or not. I love you, bear.” He says. We
quickly kiss and he gets out of the car and I wait as always to make sure he
gets in safe, and when he enters, I pull off, my worries still lingering, but
not as present.
Chapter End Notes
     Wow, that was exciting. WE HAVE 100+ READS WOW. Thank you all so much
     for that and I couldn't have done this without you. Please comment
     some feedback and leave kudos as it is appreciated.
***** The Coming Out Ceremony *****
Chapter by orphan_account, TroyesJewfro
Chapter Summary
     It is almost Valentine's Day and the boys want to celebrate without
     restriction, and some small talking leads to a big step in the
     relationship: coming out.
Chapter Notes
     Let's pretend I uploaded on time. This chapter is really short
     because idrk, I couldn't write anymore, I wish it was better but I
     honestly tried. I have no plot rn,I just know where I want my end
     goal to be. Also, I'm going to write the next chapter from Phil's POV
     because honestly I don't do enough of Phil's POV
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Dan’s POV
“What are you thinking about?”, I ask Phil who is sitting across from me on my
bed with a smile on his face, his blue eyes revealing that he is somewhere
else.
“You”, he says, a blush creeping up onto his fair face, causing his electric
blue eyes to stand out more. You could get lost in his eyes if you are not
careful. You could actually get lost in him, the way he smiles, how he pokes
his tongue ever so slightly when he laughs, how he sounds when he is talking
about something he loves like lions or media. It was a lot at times and
sometimes hard to take in, but he was addicting and I wasn’t prepared to stop
until I was knee deep and bound to get hurt.
“You’re so cheesy”, I tell him, chuckling and shoving him a bit playfully. He
laughs at the bants we share like always.
“I was just thinking, it’s almost valentine’s day, and I kind of want to come
out to our parents” he says shyly. I swallow hard. I had been thinking about it
for a while too, I mean we have been dating for a minute now, but I didn’t want
to know how my parents would react. They already have suspicions I’m gay, but I
don’t know how they react.
“I was too, but I’m not sure how either of our parents will react.”, I say, a
slight pout falling over my face.
“Yeah, but I do have a question for you before I get going”, he says, smiling
like a little kid hiding something from their parent.
“Phil?” I asked, part excited and part scared as he goes through the special
section of his bag to get something, presumably for me.
“Daniel James Howell, will you be my valentine?”, he asks, pulling a box of
chocolate and some roses, the secret item he bought when we stopped at the
convenience store that he told me not to look at. I smile and nod my head yes
taking the chocolate and roses. He is such a cheesy nerd but I still love him.
I kiss him slow and sweetly before we pull apart and we walk downstairs where
his brother is waiting in the driveway to drive him home. We say our goodbyes
before he exits my house. When I shut the door and turn around to see my mum
stand in the kitchen smirking at me and my brother rolling his eyes.
“I can tell you really like him, Dan”, my mum tells me as if years later that
wasn’t obvious.
“I mean of course I do, he is my be-” I say before getting cut off
“You know what I mean, Daniel”, she says
“Fine, I’m gay and we are dating, okay? We have been for a while, you guessed
it. Are you happy now?”, I say, slightly annoyed until I realize I just came
out.
“Honey, calm down, I’m not mad, I already knew. I love you just the same. Do
his parents know? She asks, her tone soft and motherly. It reminds me of when I
was a little kid and I would fall and get a scratch and she would calm me down
while she fixed the wound.
“No… He also asked me to be his valentine, that is why I have these roses and
chocolates” I say sheepishly.
“That’s really romantic. Let me get you a vase for those.” She replies while
she grabs a vase and puts water in it. I take it and go back upstairs to put my
roses on the dresser and tell Phil what happened, where he of course smothers
me with love and is the supportive boyfriend he always is. I lay on my bed, a
grin plastered on my face. I love him so much and always have. It doesn’t feel
like we have been dating a couple months, it feels like we have been dating for
years, I have never been one to believe in all that sappy “true love” bullshit,
but the way he makes me feel might change my mind because if I had to guess
what it was like, I think it would be this. It would be putting their needs
before yours and being yourself around the other person and supporting them and
I found all this with my best and only friend, Phillip Michael Lester, and I
never want that to change.
 
Phil’s POV
I arrive home from running some errands for my brother’s friend so he could
drop me off and then go straight over there, a huge grin plastered on my face
over what just happened, only my mom is home, she is the more supportive
parent. Dan just came out, giving me the courage to do so myself.
“Mum? Can I ask you a question?” I say, already knowing where I want to steer
this conversation.
“Sure, honey, anything at all”, she replies, a smile on her face.
“How would you feel if I was gay and secretly dating someone?”, I ask, my voice
cracking a bit
“Phil, I will always love you regardless, you know that right?” she asks me,
her supportive mother voice appearing.
“Mum, I’m gay and dating Dan”, I say, fighting back tears threatening to spill.
“That’s okay, I still love you the same and I’m happy for Dan and you. Do you
want me to confront your father first?”, she says, hugging me and a couple
tears fall from my eyes.
“Yeah, I don’t want to face his full wrath”, I say as I wipe the few tear from
my face. She kind of chuckles and goes back to working. I go upstairs to my
room and tell Dan that I just came out to my mum and it is his turn to be the
supportive one. He does his best and it makes me happy and we just text for a
while, letting the shock of being out wash over us like sea on the sand. We
don’t have to worry about hiding anymore, we can kiss outside our rooms and the
hidden parts of the school. We didn’t have to be as afraid, it was just me and
him now, and I hope that it goes on like this forever.
Chapter End Notes
     Okay, so as always, comment and give kudos, I love feedback. I love
     you guys and thank you so much for all the reads, I'm just a boy with
     poor writing.
***** First Dates and First Times *****
Chapter by orphan_account, TroyesJewfro
Chapter Summary
     It's Valentine's Day and a date followed by some sexy time happens.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for the crap smut, I couldn't resist the irony of "Don't do
     anything stupid" followed by sexy time.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Phil’s POV
“Phil, time for dinner.”, I hear my mom yell up the stairs. I come down the
stairs, scared of what would be said now that I’m out. As I walk down the
stairs, my dad’s eyes dart to me and he watches every step I make, not helping
the already awkward tone.
“So, your mother told me that your gay. I’m not mad at you, Phil. I was a bit
angry and confused at first, but as I thought about it I calmed down. I didn’t
know what to do, but me and your mum only want you to have a happy and secure
life, and dating a man won’t change that. But, can you please keep down any
PDA? Like, you and Dan can hold hands and maybe the occasional peck on the
lips, but nothing more, okay?”, my dad starts spilling as I sit down. I’m not
sure if he realizes how long he goes on, but I’m just glad they aren’t mad at
me.
“Okay, dad, thank you for accepting me.”, I tell him as pick up my fork to eat.
Of course though, they start talking about work again, something I have become
accustomed to, so it doesn’t bug me. I eat the food on my plate until I am no
longer hungry. I get up to scrape my plate and put it in the sink before I go
back upstairs to tell Dan how it went and that he wasn’t mad, something I am
completely grateful for. I lay down for the night, dreams there, but not
memorable.
***Valentine’s Day***
Phil’s POV
“Happy Valentine’s day!” I half shout at Dan as he arrives to school, where I
am on the steps as I always am when my brother gives me a lift. I give him a
valentine card and a teddy bear, seeing as I already gave him some roses and
chocolate
“You too, you nerd” he says, smiling as he pulls me into a tight embrace. A few
people snicker and a jock walks by and whispers the word gay behind us as his
friends laugh, but neither of us care, we have each other and that is all that
matters. I give him a small kiss on the cheek, causing him to blush red, but I
find it cute how embarrassed he gets when I do stuff like that. We walk to my
locker, and I unlock it while he gets something out of his bag. He pulls out a
lion stuffed animal, chocolates, and a card. I smile and hug him
“I love it, bear. Thank you”, I whisper in his ear, putting the items in my
locker so they will stay safe. We say our usual “I love you” before we go our
separate ways to classes.
After class, we meet up at his car, deciding to go over to his house for a
minute and drop our stuff off before we go out. I told him I had a secret place
for us to go. I was going to take him to the place we first started bonding a
lot, our old spot underneath the tree at the park. It was the first place we
met up outside of school and it really strengthened our friendship. We had met
there because he was starting to warm up to me and we realized how much we had
in common while we were there.
We arrive to the Howell household and we put out bags upstairs so we can get
going before it gets too late.
“Don’t stay out to late”, Dan’s mom tells us as we leave.
“We won’t, mum”, Dan says before we leave. We shut the door and start walking
to the park, but I don’t tell him where we are going, just to follow me.
“I didn’t really know where to take you. I wanted to do something special,
something with meaning to us, so I chose here because we spent a lot of time
here and I really got to know you here and you start- “I start babbling when I
make him sit under the tree with me before I’m cut off by a pair of lips
pressing against my own.
“You talk too much. I love it, thank you, Phil. This means a lot to me”, he
says once we pull apart. We both blush, but we are smiling and I’m just glad he
likes this cheesy date. We sit there and reminisce on all the memories we had
here and that we have had in the last many years.
“I’m really glad to get to call you mine and have you as my own and that
everything worked out. I love you so much.” I tell him, before we kiss softly
under the tree as the sun sets, making the sky look amazing, a perfect backdrop
for this moment.
When we pull apart, he whispers, “I love you too”, like a secret just for me
and him to know. We head back to his house and I text my mum that I’m going to
stay at Dan’s for the night, and she just says okay but to not do anything that
I wouldn’t normally do.
Dan’s POV
We arrive back at my house after our date. He is so cheesy but I love him. We
decided to stay at my place tonight since it is a Friday night and nobody once
to be alone at night on Valentine’s Day.
“Welcome back, how was it?” my mum asks us as we walk through the door.
“It was nice”, Phil tells here as we walk upstairs. We enter my room and sit
down on the bed. I kiss him, softly at first, but it got more passionate as it
went on. It feels like electricity as we kiss, our tongues fighting for
dominance, but I let him take over. I end up laying down on my bed, partly
propped up by the assortment of pillows behind as he straddles me.
“Are you sure you want to go through with this?”, he asks me before going any
farther.
“I don’t care if we are young, I want you, Phil.”, I say, my voice shaking a
bit as I try to get the words out, an aching coming from my dick that is
already getting hard, and I feel a small bulge in his jeans too, telling me he
wants this just as badly as I do. He starts kissing my neck, causing me to
softly moan. I feel a smirk on his mouth because of that and he starts sucking,
leaving a hickie on my neck
“Ph-Phil, you’ll get us ca-caught”, I tell him breathily, barely able to get
the words out.
“I want the whole world to know your mine”, he growls. I don’t know where this
sexy Phil came from, but I liked it and wanted more. He starts lifting my shirt
over my head, throwing it to the side as he gets to work on my collarbone,
making me moan and a small moan to escape him.
“Are you sure?” he asks, being the caring boyfriend he always is.
“For fuck’s sake, Phil, hurry up”, I yell at him, still trying to keep my voice
down. He starts to leave a trail of kisses down my chest and stomach, grunts
and moans flying all over the place from the both of us. The connection between
us was unbearable, it felt like there was sparks flying all around us. After he
seems to be satisfied with teasing me there, he moves down my legs so he is in
a better position to work on my lower half
“Take off your shirt”, I tell him, not seeing it to be right that he was still
fully dressed. He takes it off, throwing it somewhere in the general direction
of where he threw mine. He starts to move his hand up and down my thigh,
teasing me. I was terribly hard by now and needed him to stop teasing.
“Phil…please”, I whine, moaning as I try to get out the words. He smirks and
removes my jeans, palming me through my boxers, the moaning becoming more
intense.
“You ready?” he asks me.
“Hurry up and fuck me!” I tell him.
“Okay”, he replies. He grabs a condom and lube that he somehow knew was in my
drawer just in case and I spread my legs so he can sit in between my legs. He
takes off his jeans and boxers, revealing his dick, a site I haven’t seen
before, and I take in its size, which is definitely a good size. He sits in
between my legs and teases my entrance with his finger before putting some lube
on his fingers and slowly inserting one, causing my face too tense, but I tell
him I’m fine, because I am, just need to adjust. When he sees me start to
relax, he starts to move it a bit before decided to insert another digit and
let me adjust, he finally gets to three and moves them around a bit, just
making sure that I’m stretched enough. He then removes his fingers, causing me
to feel empty. He puts on a condom and lubes himself, then he inserts his
length into me and I moan, the pain turning into pleasure as I tell him to
move. He starts slow at first to make sure I’m okay but he starts to pick up
speed and we fall back into a mess of moaning and various grunts, both of us
enjoying the feeling. We pick up a rhythm and he hits my prostate.
“Fuck! Phil, right there!”, I scream. He keeps hitting me there hard, both of
us moaning and I feel it in my stomach area that I’m close.
“Clo-close” I tell him, not really sure what to say, another person has never
ever made me orgasm, but he knows what I’m saying.
“Me too”, he says. He rams my prostate hard one more time and that is all it
takes to send me over the edge. The feeling of pleasure rushes all through my
body as I scream his name and ride out the wave of pleasure. I feel him release
inside me and we just ride out the orgasm together, his thrusts becoming sloppy
and out of pace. After it is over, he pulls out and ties off the condom,
throwing it in the trash bin by my bed and lays down next to me, both of us out
of breath, but it was worth it.
“That was amazing, we should do it again sometime”, he whispers
“Yeah, thank you”, I whisper back
“I love you bear”, he says.
“I love you too”, I tell him, and we fall asleep like that, a tangle of bodies
under some blankets.
Chapter End Notes
     Please don't hate me, I tried. #StopTroyesJewfro2K15. anyhow, please
     comment and leave kudos, it really does help me. Ily guys, stay safe.
***** A/N *****
Chapter by orphan_account, TroyesJewfro
Sorry guys, I have been really busy between holidays and stuff. I will update
as soon as I can. Also, I'm getting my lip pierced today which is exciting.
Ilysm fam, y'all don't even know. Please stay safe and have a good day. If you
ever need to talk, just message me. That is about it for now, so see you at the
next update.
~Shadow~
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